Why Should I Be Abstinent?

Years ago, if anyone had asked me why they should abstain from sex, I probably would’ve listed off some of these things that abstinence leads to: peace of mind, protection when it comes to romantic relationships, no unplanned pregnancy (unless you’re Mary), etc.

While all of those benefits are great, there's something about being abstinent that is more important than just what we gain. It's what we’re doing unto God by being abstinent.

To start, here's a few things that abstinence should not be about. We should not be abstinent to try and earn a good husband/wife. We also should not use abstinence to try and prove that we're "better" than anyone else. Abstinence is not about shaming nor exalting anyone based on society's ideas of purity.

Instead, abstinence is about choosing to be obedient to God. It's about honoring and trusting Him.

What does abstaining from sex have to do with honoring God? To answer that, we first need to understand God’s intent for sex.

Genesis 1:27 says that when God created mankind, He created them male and female. These were two complimentary halves who each represent unique, valuable aspects of God's image and character. Genesis 1:28 tells us that after God made man and woman, He then blessed them and instructed them to "be fruitful and multiply."

To this end, God created sex to be experienced within a marriage of the two halves of mankind, which eventually leads to procreation (either by raising biological children or spiritual children). Sex is meant to be a physical representation of that man and woman becoming one in a lifelong covenant — a commitment that is made exclusively between those two people and God. Because that is God’s design for sex, it is sin any time we seek sexual pleasure outside of those boundaries.

So what does Scripture tell us about sexual sin, or sex outside of God's definition of marriage?

1 Thessalonians 4:3 informs us as children of God that sexual sin goes against God’s will for our lives. Paul writes, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified; that you should avoid sexual immorality.”

We're warned in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 to not just be wary of sexual immorality, but to straight up flee and run in the opposite direction of it:

“Flee sexual immorality; all other sins occur outside of the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. Don’t you know that your bodies are the temples in which the Holy Spirit dwells? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.”

What does all of this mean? It means that anytime we choose to sin sexually, we're harming our own body and spirit. When we engage in sexual sin, we are also dishonoring God by defying His Holy Spirit, Whom He has given us to help us live and behave according to God's perfect will for us.

Now that we’ve discussed God's intent for sex and confirmed that He commands us to resist sexual sin, let’s consider why He commands it. Why is "fleeing from sexual immorality," and practicing abstinence such a big deal to God?

Though the enemy tries to convince us through culture and media that sex is simply physical, we can clearly see from Scripture that it is not. Contrary to popular belief, sex has mental, emotional, psychological, and most importantly, spiritual impacts.

Because God created us, He knows the full range of effects that sex has on our body, mind, psyche, heart, and spirit. He actually designed those effects as a powerful and pleasurable way for us to bond with the person He desires for us to spend our lives with.

God understands that as human beings, we all want someone outside of ourselves whom we can connect with, relate to, and experience intimacy with. We want that because He created us to experience that with Him. That is why Jesus came down from Heaven in human form: in order to meet our deepest desire for true, personal intimacy.

Because He loves us, however, the Lord gives us the free will to choose what we want to fill our void for intimacy. When sex gets thrown into the mix, it often skews our judgement and leads us to choose the wrong thing — usually another person, or some form of pleasure, instead of God Himself. Sex outside of marriage is dangerous because it drives us to stay attached to people and things that our Creator knows are not truly good for us.

Instead, God calls us to focus entirely on Him and His plans for our lives, without being influenced or controlled by our sexual desires. He wants us to focus our attention on seeking Him and to believe that in His perfect timing, He will provide us with everything we need (Matthew 6:33).

While we're focusing on God and doing what He's called us to do, He also uses abstinence to mature us so that we're actually ready for what marriage (and procreating), requires. God’s command for abstinence before marriage ultimately stems from His desire to connect with us, protect us, and potentially prepare us for the beautiful act of becoming one with our spouse.

From our end, abstinence requires us to respect God's design for our bodies and His timing for our lives. It means we must choose to give Him our hearts and submit every aspect of ourselves — even our sexual desires — to His plans for us.

If you are not married, choosing abstinence and asking the Holy Spirit to help you resist sexual sin is one of the best decisions you can ever make. It is a truly transformational act of surrender to God. By being abstinent, we show God that we trust Him, and that we value His will and desires for our life even more than we value our own.